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Starring TOM CRUISE as Jesus!!!

In this article by “The Sun,” Scientology has proven beyond doubt that they occupy the realm of the truly weird. Apparently, Tom Cruise is the Christ of Scientology. From the article:

The Mission: Impossible star has been told he has been “chosen” to spread the word of his faith throughout the world. And leader David Miscavige believes that in future, Cruise, 44, will be worshipped like Jesus for his work to raise awareness of the religion. A source close to the actor, who has risen to one of the church’s top levels, said: “Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

I’m not even sure I can think of something witty to say about this. Such a thought defies witticisms.

I did, however, appreciate what one commenter on the article said:

Tom Cruise may well be the Messiah…. But this is the test – -flog him to within an inch of his life and then hang him on a cross until his lungs collapse and he is very dead (pierce his lungs with a spear so we know his lungs have filled up with water – scientifically prove he is dead beyond a shadow of a doubt), then bury him in a cave sealed with a huge boulder cutting off the air supply, just in case, and armed guards to do away with any monkey business from his followers…Then if he comes back from the dead, says he is the messiah, ascends on a cloud into heaven in front of 300 amazed people who then spread through the world and multiply to form a new religion that ultimately becomes the underpinning philosophy of the majority of the civilised world for centuries, well, give him the gold BluePeter messiah badge….

Okay, I lied, maybe one witticism.  Katie Holmes is the Sangreal and their little one is the first of a new Merovingian line… (cue ominous music)

HT: Mr. Frank “Centuri0n” Turk.

Categories: Weird-O-Cron
  1. January 24, 2007 at 8:54 pm

    I have never understood how exactly anyone can consider Scientology a real “religion” as it was completely created by L. Ron Hubbard on a bar bet.

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