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Breaking News: Attack of the Clone

Attack of the Clones

We interrupt your regular blogging at the Silent Holocron to bring you this important Breaking News update from the HoloNet. Apparently, a great disturbance in the Force has occurred. At first, it was a Phantom Menace. By all appearances, everything seemed to be calm. There was just that niggling feeling of unease in the Force that manifested itself with physical nausea and the creation of a Volcano of Vomit.

Deaf Jedi Cloning Facility

Then, with the discovery of the Deaf Jedi Cloning Facility, pandemonium has erupted across the galaxy. It has become apparent that for the past 15 weeks Deaf Jedi Master Stephen Newell and his consort, the Lady Patricia of the ‘Ville, have secretly been harboring the first of a Newell Clone Army.

Deaf Jedi Master Stephen Newell and Lady Patricia

Having passed off his wife’s excessive nausea of recent weeks as (literally) “a bug in her stomach” until today, Master Newell declined to defend his Sith-like deception. He would only elaborate by stating, “What I told you was true, from a certain point of view.” He also cited privacy concerns and a desire to protect the emotions of himself and Lady Patricia until such time as it became apparent the Force willed the child to live. We at the HoloNet understand this desire and respect it as such.

Baby at 15 weeks gestation

When asked what prompted this recent revelation, Master Newell told a HoloNet reporter:

“Well, today is Lady Patricia’s birthday. She has requested that I go ahead and make a general announcement since our ‘danger period’ has passed, and to forestall any questioning by other Force-users.” Asked if this meant there was no doubt a clone would be produced, Master Newell snorted and replied, “Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

NOT the actual kid!(*Editor’s Note: This is NOT the actual kid!)

Prompted by a HoloNet reporter to comment on Lady Patricia’s birthday, Master Newell would only respond, “She has become far hotter and more beautiful.”

Master Newell then retired to his private chambers, leaving the press conference buzzing with speculation as to when an invasion would occur bringing about the Revenge of the Deaf.

For regular updates you may check the top of the right sidebar.

  1. August 10, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    Congrats…I think.

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