The Gospel According to the Cornhuskers
This just in from my friend Ryan Hall’s e-mail inbox. It was too good to simply say “follow the link.” Here it is in its entirety. Enjoy it and have a great, great laugh!
The Gospel according to a Husker fan
And it came to pass in the land of Lincoln , in the kingdom of Husker Nation, that a man named Pederson arose to rule the realm of Athletics. He was of the Kingdom, from the city of North Platte , and was a follower of the Huskers of Corn.
But he was not a wise man, forsaking the ways of the Husker Nation, sending the leader Solich into the wilderness, and turning away the warriors of old who wore the tunics of black into battle in ages past, even removing their portraits and pictures.
And in the place of Solich, he selected from the land of La-La a strange man, once known as leading a failed army known as Raiders to defeat after defeat in the grand Coliseum of the Land of Oaks , a city by the bay of San Francisco , a wicked city of Sodomites and practitioners of perversion.
And did this man, known as Callahan, become the general of the Husker armies, forsaking all traditions held dear to the hearts of the citizens.
And a strange plan known as the West Coast Offense was forced upon the armies, and the proven tactics of old were called evil and sinful by Callahan. And complex and confusing were the plans in the Offense, and failure was the result.
And the Husker armies fell apart on the fields of battle, and adversaries from the Land of Troy , the hated Sooners, the powerful Orange Cowboys from the land of Still Water , yea even the despised Purple Cats from the wasteland of Kansas , did achieve victory after victory over the once-mighty Husker armies, and the wearers of the Tunics of Black.
And in the fourth year of the reign of Callahan, did the Husker armies struggle against warriors from a land where canning jars were made. And lo, the armies of Troy , the Tiger tribe from Columbia , yea, even the Orange Cowboys, did soundly defeat the Husker armies.
And it came to pass during the battle with the Orange Cowboys, in the presence of St. Thomas of Osborne and his brave soldiers of yore, that the members of Husker Nation did turn their backs upon the slaughter of the weakened armies of Callahan.
And a hue and cry arose throughout the land, in cyberspace, and on the program ESPN, for the removal of the failed general Callahan and his aides, and his master Pederson the Jerk.
And the Chancellor heard their cries, and dispatched Pederson into exile.
And St. Thomas was summoned by the Chancellor, and was given the power to rule in the department of Athletics.
And o, did Callahan wail and gnash his teeth, telling one and all of the fine works he had done. And his lies fell on deaf ears.
And there was great joy in Husker Nation as St. Thomas restored the traditions of old, welcoming with open arms the warriors of old known to the Nation.
But there was a reminder from St. Thomas that no remedies would be quick in coming, and that time shall pass before the great Husker armies are strong and feared once again throughout the land of the Alliance of 12.
Even so, once again hope is strong among the faithful of the Husker Nation, and some day in the future the Tunics of Black shall once again be worn by the fierce defenders of the field.